Over the last couple of weeks I tried to practice Taijiquan and Qi Gong every day.
Well, I tried.
I did practice on many days, but every day. Sometimes I had a whole week without doing any exercises or form running at all.
And I started thinking: why? I know a lot of reasons why I WANT to practice. But I started thinking: are there reasons WHY NOT to practice?
I started thinking about it and I discovered
4 reasons why I resist practicing
1. family vs. business vs. ME: priorities
I am a mother of two young kids. I run my own business. I want to practice Taijiquan & Qi Gong.
Now guess what comes first? Somehow it is fully accepted that a mom takes care of the kids and the household. And after everything is done (by myself or with the help of others), then mom has some “me-time”.
Same with business. Running a business implies business first, clients first, grind & hustle. Only after everything is done, every client mail is answer, then a business owner is allowed some “work-life-balance”.
Those thoughts of “familiy first” and “client first” are surely helpful to have a happy family and a successful business. But I am more than my family and my business. And these beliefs clash with my need to practice Taijiquan & Qi Gong.
Because there is always something that needs to be done at home or at business. There is always that next meeting, that next item on the todolist. Even putting “Qi-time” on my list did not work. Because it was always the least priority.
That’s what giving myself time to practise is: Taijiquan and Qi Gong are a priority. It means prioritising myself.
I seem to struggle with that. But I just want to remind me (and you!): the best way to get things done is being relaxed. Being in my full power. Taijiquan and Qi Gong helps me with that.
2. the value of selfcare
The previous thought is about practicing Taijiquan and Qi Gong to become more efficient.
But: I also feel the need to add: I am worth practicing. Not because it makes me more efficitent. Not because it makes me a better mom.
Simply because I want to! Simply because it is good for ME!
I am allowed to do things that feel good to me. That may sound obvious, but to me, it is not. “Everything happens for a reason” does not mean you need to have a reason to let something happen. Plus “feeling good” is a good enough reason.
Yes, I am feeling good when I practice and afterwards. I want to get more of that feeling!
3. the fear of not being good enough
Speaking of feeling good – there is one thing that does not feel good. And that is being ashamed that I am not better. I started 2004 and when I see others who started with me – they are way more advanced.
But everyone is one their own path. I learned a lot about me, life, and people during the last years. Even though I did not practice that much, I still changed and grew in many areas of my life.
Comparing to someone else is really tricky. Because we only see the surface. We only see Facebook posts. We have short conversations during workshops. But we do not see the whole story.
I want to focus on MY path. I am happy to join others on their. Occassionaly I will walk with others on the same path. But I focus on my path.
Now that some storms in my life have settled, I am ready to practice more. Because I hope: when the next storm comes, I will be more prepared.
I may be slower than others. I may need more time to advance. I may fear others judging me for what I can or cannot do. But I am willing to deal with that and walk on my path. My level of practice is good enough for now.
Related to this fear of not being good enough is this next reason why I resist practicing:
I often THINK about practicing. Like “I could just squeeze in a couple of minutes and run the form”. But the next thought immediately is: “nah, a couple of minutes is not enough. To make it right (perfect), I should practice at least 30 minutes”.
When I think: “why bother if I cannot make it right anyway?”
I need to let that go. I allow myself to be imperfect in my practice. Because: done is better than perfect!
Now if you struggle to practice daily – think about the reasons why you resist it! If you have any insights feel free to share them!
I will meditate now. Just a couple of minutes. Just for myself. Because it feels good.